I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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