God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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