just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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