Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize