well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's shark week go big or go home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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