I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
