Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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