Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
