Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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