They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
