You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
