did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
