She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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