I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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