i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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