Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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