haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We need to get me chipped asap
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
