She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
