he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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