oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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