Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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