the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
