I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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