She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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