My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
