In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
this hospital has no fireball
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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