No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
