So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
