im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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