and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
