May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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