hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the day after is always just damage control
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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