she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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