I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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