Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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