I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
