I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Come on in and take your pants off
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