you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
