you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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