nut hugger
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
