you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
