Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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