If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
