I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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