If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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