I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize