oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
