Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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