Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
