So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
