So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
