Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
