I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize