What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
