Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
