Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
