dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
