Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
