Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
