That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize