I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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