I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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