So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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