Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
