so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
