Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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