Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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