dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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