and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
