he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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